The negative perceptions we have about ourselves come about because our subconscious is trying to protect us.
When we have a bad experience, for example, if we fail a maths test at school, our subconscious will recognize this as something to be avoided.
To protect us, it will tell us we’re bad at maths and should avoid trying. This leads to stress and worry every time we have a maths test, affecting our abilities (thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy).
Over time we learn that we are ‘bad’ at maths and develop automatic negative thoughts on the subject that follow us into adulthood. This can then affect our confidence and make us wary of trying anything to do with numbers, including dealing with our finances.
As these automatic thoughts come from our subconscious, they are difficult to change through sheer willpower alone. Our subconscious doesn’t listen to reason and is… well, let’s just say it’s stuck in its ways.
And this is why hypnotherapy can be such a powerful tool. The aim of hypnotherapy is to ‘talk’ directly to your subconscious, change negative thinking patterns and encourage more positive responses. So rather than a critical voice of fear, our subconscious can be taught to be encouraging and supportive.
When we’re in a state of hypnosis (which is like deep relaxation or meditation) our subconscious is more open to suggestion. A hypnotherapist can then use suggestion techniques to help uncover negative thoughts and re-frame them to be more positive.
Low self-esteem is effectively a learnt behaviour; it’s something we’ve learnt after years of repetitive thinking (in our previous example, “I’m bad with numbers”). Hypnotherapy is a way we can unlearn these behaviours and create new, more supportive ones (such as, “I’m confident with numbers”).
The effects of low self-esteem
Having a poor sense of self-esteem can have a huge impact on our happiness. It makes it difficult for us to recognize our strengths and what we’re good at, which can hold us back in both our personal and professional life. When we don’t think we’re capable of much, we avoid trying new things and can find ourselves trapped in our comfort zones.
We might struggle to show ourselves kindness and practise self-care, leading to stress and burnout. While low self-esteem isn’t a mental illness in itself, our mental health is affected. Long-term low self-esteem can lead to conditions such as depression and anxiety. You may also find that if you have a mental health condition, this, in turn, affects your self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can be caused by a number of reasons and will differ from person to person. Some may find their self-esteem has always been low, while others may experience a sudden change.
Some factors that can lead to low self-esteem include:
- being abused
- being bullied
- finding it difficult to get a job
- losing your job
- experiencing discrimination
- long-term stress
- relationship difficulties
- body image concerns
- money/finance problems
- physical or mental health conditions
- growing up around overly critical authority figures
Self-esteem is how we perceive ourselves; what we think about ourselves and how much we value ourselves. Our self-esteem is made up of thoughts and opinions, often formed in our early years, about who we are and what we’re capable of.
These thoughts and opinions tend to be influenced by experiences we have and/or the people we’re surrounded by. For example, someone with a particularly critical parent, or someone who was bullied at school may find they struggle with low self-esteem.
The beliefs we have about ourselves can feel ingrained and difficult to change. The good news is that they can be changed, it just takes work. There are several ways you can help yourself raise your self-esteem, including personal development work (such as developing self-compassion and setting yourself small challenges) and hypnotherapy.
Hypnotherapy can be very effective for improving self-esteem as it works directly with the subconscious – where the negative thoughts about ourselves live. Here we’ll explore self-esteem in more detail and explain exactly how hypnotherapy can help.
Set yourself small challenges
We gain confidence and self-belief when we try new things and are successful. As scary as it may feel to do this, setting yourself personal challenges is a great way to develop self-esteem. Start small and build up to bigger challenges. When you have good experiences with this, note it down somewhere and remind yourself when you try something new again in the future.
Over time you’ll find yourself with a bank of evidence, proving that you are capable (this helps to bolster self-esteem).
Be more compassionate towards yourself
When our self-esteem is poor, it can be difficult to be kind to ourselves. Self-compassion is a practice, something that takes repetition. Try to get into a habit of showing yourself kindness, whether it’s through self-care or investing in professional support.
Hold onto the positives
Because our subconscious likes to protect us from perceived danger, it tends to remember negative experiences more than positive experiences. This is called negativity bias. To overcome this, it’s helpful to put a real effort into noting when positive things happen. Write them down, take pictures – anything that will help you remember when you accomplish something (celebrate those wins!).
This negativity bias can affect our mood, making us feel like we have nothing to be grateful for. Making space to practice gratitude can help with this. Try using a journal and writing one thing you’re grateful for every day. Over time your mind will get into a habit of recognizing what it has to be grateful for and you’ll help change your thinking to be more positive.
Low self-esteem can make us susceptible to people pleasing and saying yes when we really should be saying no. This is often because we don’t think we have a ‘right’ to say no.
Becoming more comfortable with the word ‘no’ and setting healthy boundaries is key in developing self-esteem. When we do this, we are reinforcing the message that we are worthy.
Remember, the perceptions we have of ourselves are often based on false beliefs we’ve formed in childhood. These beliefs are learned, which means we can unlearn them.