To live freely, it is necessary to know one true-self, and I am not referring just to names, what I like to have for breakfast, etc. I am referring rather to those parts that are the hardest for us to look at and that hurt us when others dare to point them out.
Moods like envy, arrogance, cowardice, and many others that are known by every single person.
Observe and ask yourself,
- What is it that tends to fill me with rage?
- Do I let it out freely, even taking advantage of its force to get what I want?
Or do I hide it instead under a mask of rigidity, rationalizing the situation on a superficial level and completely ignoring all of those emotions that could tear down the wall that we built with so much pain over the years, letdown after letdown.
- What would go through my mind if others saw me in that state?
- Could I love myself, despite letting myself feel and express negative emotions?
- Or would this possibly fill me with guilt, shame, and fear?
We are going to continue with the example of anger:
imagine for a moment that you are in one of those circumstances that just by thinking about it, our entire body is filled with anger. Now hold onto that sensation for a little while without judging it or getting into a fight;
watch how you behave, what thoughts this brings you, and what there is behind that anger, that rage.
Maybe you will respond, “What an unreliable person the other person is! Blah, blah, blah…”
However, what the other person did does not interest me as much at that moment. The information that we have is just our own interpretation of their actions, which is what makes me believe that the other person meant to harm me.
- Do we often get the feeling that others want to do us harm or do we feel like others ask too much?
- Or maybe we feel we are judged unfairly, overburdened with responsibility, powerless and resented.
- What is your inner dialogue like?
The more deeply you can dig down, the more clarity and answers you will obtain.
During this exploratory stage, we can discover how deeply rooted our behaviors and learned habits are. We have often learned to react in this way from childhood on, where as the children that we were, we did not have enough skills to fulfill our desires and we needed others to do it for us.
Once we understand our way of reacting, as well as the fear and basic desire that is always behind that rage, it is easier to get out of that trap.
We are no longer children, we can take the reins, take care of our needs ourselves, without waiting for another person to do it. In short, this is how we gradually conquer our freedom, understanding the sense of our emotions, listening to them deeply, replacing our usual automatic reactions with conscious decisions inspired by the intimate knowledge about what is really happening to us.
In order to live freely, we have to know who we are, follow the path inspired by our own essence. Knowing one true-self is essential in order to be happy.
Here are some steps to Discover Your True-Self
1. Be quiet.
You cannot and will not be able to know yourself until you take the time to be still. Many people don’t know themselves because any sort of silence scares them; it’s too uncomfortable to be alone with every flaw staring back at them. But it isn’t until you get alone, evaluate yourself and are completely truthful with yourself that you will actually be able to see every facet of your life – the good and the bad. Be quiet and discover your true self.
“Observing yourself is the necessary starting point for any real change.” – Chalmers Brothers
2. Realize who you truly are, not who you want to be.
I know you already have a set idea of who you desperately want to be, but it might not be who you were designed to be; this is why knowing who you really are is so important. When you know who you are, you will finally see where you and your specific gifts fit into the bigger picture.
And although there are many points along your journey to help you discover yourself, the best way to begin is to take a personality test and the StrengthsFinder test. (If it’s been five or more years since you’ve completed either of these, take them again.) No, these self-evaluations aren’t perfect, but they do pinpoint your top areas of strengths, so you can focus on the change you were meant to bring into the world.
3. Find what you are good at (and not good at).
This might be the most difficult step in the process of finding who you are, but it’s a necessary one. Sure, it takes trial and error to find what you’re good at, and no, I don’t want you to give up before you’ve had more than enough attempts, but knowing when to quit is a gift that everyone needs to learn.
Quit when you’ve put in ample time and your efforts aren’t giving back in return. What is ample time? Only you can decide that. But when you quit correctly, it isn’t giving up, it’s making room for something better. When your actions do nothing but drain you – rather than produce more passion and increase your drive to do more – that’s a good sign it is time to focus elsewhere. Your strengths will show you who you are.
4. Find what you are passionate about.
Following passion of any kind is a good thing, and you need to pay attention when it comes because it indicates an area of life that you need to pay more attention to. If we’re talking about following your passion in work, it’s a good thing. And if we’re talking about having more passion for life, it’s a good thing.
Focus more on passion; understand yourself in better ways, and you’ll make a bigger impact. Passion produces effort and continuous effort produces results.
5. Ask for feedback.
If you don’t know yourself, hearing what others have to say about you is a helpful practice. Ask them two simple questions: “What strengths do you think I need to develop further?” and “What weaknesses do you think I need to work on?” Of course, their opinion isn’t going to be perfect, but their feedback will probably indicate a few areas you should at least take a second look at. This step is especially important for those who are stuck in finding themselves. Sometimes those closest to us can see something we might not be able to see in ourselves.
6. Assess your relationships.
A large aspect of knowing yourself can be found in your relationships. When you realize you’ll never truly know anyone else until you discover yourself, the importance of knowing yourself becomes even more apparent. This truth especially rings true for business leaders, because if you don’t know the people on your team, then you will be lost as a leader. But this rule also applies to any relationship in your life. Almost as much as you need to know yourself, other people also need to know who you are. People need you – the real you.
Use your reflections to fight your biggest fears, because when you understand who you are meant to be, your purpose will finally become bigger than your fears. When you realize who you are, you will spend less time spinning your wheels. Focusing on your strengths gives you the needed traction to begin making a bigger and better difference in the world. When you know yourself, you will find more peace, and you will find success quicker than ever before.
Now go take action and find your true self, starting today.
The content in this publication is presented for informative purposes only. In no sense is this information intended to provide diagnoses or act as a substitute for the work of a qualified professional. For this we recommend that you contact a reliable specialist.