If you truly need a deep connected relationship, say goodbye to parts of you.
Are you tired of being single? Starting to give up on the dating game?
Somewhere out there, someone is looking for you.
Someone who wants the same things as you…
Someone who will go on romantic walks on the beach or jump out of a plane if that’s what you want…
Your perfect partner.
And I might only say this because I’m a sucker for a good love story, but I genuinely believe there’s someone out there for everyone.
The thing is, you could be the reason why you’re still lonely.
I know this isn’t something we like to hear, but sometimes it’s you – you’re the problem, it’s you…
And all you have to do to find true love is let go of the things preventing it.
For most people, it’s just one or two things anyway.
Ready to see if you have any relationship-block behaviors?
First up, it could be that you’re…
1) Setting your standards too high.
Start by applauding yourself for actually having standards! Done? Great.
Now, rethink them.
If you can’t even attain them, they’re probably too high.
The biggest mistake you could make is waiting for the perfect 10 while there’s a line of solid 8’s trying to grab your attention.
You could completely overlook your soulmate because they don’t meet your standards.
Having standards is good, but you need to remember that nobody’s perfect. Don’t let go of someone who has a few flaws they’re willing to work on.
The chances of finding someone like the main character in your fav romance novel are slim to…impossible. There’s a reason why they’re fictional.
That said, keep in mind that you could also struggle to find a great relationship and believe in love because you’re…
2) Setting your standards too low.
Once again, good on you for having standards.
But having too low standards could keep you from having a good relationship.
If you think all men are pigs or all women are gold diggers, you’ve been looking at the wrong people.
Why? Because those are the only people that your standards allow.
If you want to meet someone perfect for you, you need to aim a little higher.
Not billionaire or pop star high (unless that’s what your life’s all about), but sweet-guy-in-coffee-shop or independant-girl-in-the-bookshop high.
3) Being cynical about love and relationships.
We all know that one person.
All of their friends are coupled up, and they’re just too happy to be the third wheel.
You’ll often find them groaning or rolling their eyes when they see any display of love or affection.
They’ll subtly hint that the relationship isn’t going to last, or they’ll tell everyone willing to listen that love is a myth.
If this sounds like you, you are way too cynical about love.
Nevertheless, you’re here, at the 3rd item in a list of behaviors to change when looking for a relationship. You’re on the right track to being better!
Or you could just be here for kicks…
Whatever your reason, if you’re looking for love, you need to accept that it’s real.
4) Using your past trauma as an excuse.
Life isn’t fair, and we all go through unimaginable difficulties at some point in our lives.
Whether you lost someone you loved or were caught up in a traumatic event, someone else has been there too.
In the end, what matters most is how you handle the trauma.
It’s crucial to work through your issues until you have control over your life again.
If you keep clinging to whatever you went through, you could end up using it as an excuse to not move forward. And this could be what’s keeping you from finding someone to spend your life with.
The same goes for…
5) Not letting go of the past.
This is a toxic behavior that’s typically combined with the previous one.
You can’t expect a new partner to commit to a relationship with you if you’re constantly talking or thinking about the past.
Forget everything. Let go of:
- The ex who cheated on you.
- The marriage that didn’t work out.
- The blind date you thought went great just to be ghosted.
- Let it go and leave the past where it belongs.
6) Fantasizing about the perfect relationship.
Stop dreaming about silent kisses in the cinema and cooking dinner together every night after work.
These fantasies could keep you from appreciating the good relationship you have.
Not everyone’s wired to be romantic, and life happens. Sometimes we don’t have time to do things with the ones we love, or our energy is just drained.
I’m not saying you should settle for a relationship that doesn’t feed your soul. All I want you to remember is that Instagram-perfect relationships only exist in photos.
Candlelit dinners don’t happen every night, and sometimes your partner won’t be in the mood to run you a bath.
If you spend your time looking for what you see on social media and romcoms, you’ll miss out on being happy.
It’s great if you find a relationship that lives up to every expectation you have but don’t see it as the end of love when you find someone who has a few off days.
7) Forgetting to be yourself.
Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to be perfect that we forget to be ourselves.
We can blame social media and the ridiculous standards we set for ourselves when we see gorgeous people living the dream.
But in the end, you are the only one comparing yourself to others.
If you stop trying so hard to be perfect, the real you comes to the surface, which is as close to perfect as you’ll get!
If you meet a potential suitor and can see yourself committing to a long-term relationship with them, you should be yourself from the get-go.
Imagine how shocked you’ll be if you’ve been seeing someone for months, and then they turn into a completely different person.
Someone else won’t like it if you do this either.
8) Building walls that are too hard to break down.
Past trauma and heartaches have a way of making us put our guard up.
High, high up with a massive concrete wall that not even a tanker could break through!
If you know these walls are impossible to break down, how do you expect a partner to get to your heart?
Break your own walls down before you expect someone else to try.
High walls cause more damage than good.
9) Putting dating and partners last on your list of priorities.
You can’t find love if you’re never looking for it.
These stories of people meeting someone when they were absolutely not looking for love is only partly true.
I believe they still wanted it – subconsciously.
And even if love crossed your path when you weren’t looking for it, you’ve gotta put in the work to make it work.
You can’t expect whoever you’re interested in to do everything. You should prioritize the relationship too.
10) Falling for anybody and committing too soon.
Another huge mistake you could make is falling in love too soon.
And yes, I know. I’m a big believer in love.
But if you’re dreaming about engagement rings when you haven’t even met the family (that your partner keeps raving about), then you’re rushing!
You’re setting yourself up for disappointment, and this hurt could kill your love for love.
Take it one day at a time, and don’t look for signs that aren’t there yet.
This also means you should stop…
11) Trusting too easily.
Whoever you like should earn your trust – always.
I’m not saying you should keep testing them or wait for the lies to emerge. But be cautious.
It’s easy to be fooled when you’re desperate for love.
Get to know them and ask the important questions. Cross-reference the things they say, and don’t get too personal too soon.
If they seem shady, they probably have something to hide. You deserve better.
And I promise if you do your part, you’ll get it.
Putting yourself out there isn’t easy. You can’t sign up for a dating app and expect love to instantly find its way to you.
You have to put in the work and be someone that’s actually worth dating.
Simply put – don’t expect things you don’t give.
Some beliefs you have, or behaviors could be what makes you updateable.
And I know finding out that you’re keeping yourself from happiness is a bitter pill to swallow.
But rather now than 10 years later down the line when you’re home alone with your cats…
So, reread the list, and be honest with yourself.